VEERESH:
The Pune Talks
Chapter III
Relating
Veeresh:
I was working yesterday with the parents. It was very touching. Imagine being a parent wanting your children to grow up in a beautiful perfect way and your children decide to do their thing. It's so frustrating for the parents. They feel guilty, they are not perfect parents. I tried to reassure them that their kids are going to do what they want to do anyway, but if they have an opening to the parents they'll come home and say: "This is what is happening with me", and that's beautiful. Most parents and children don't have that opening. The kids do what they want to do and the parents are always in the dark.
I was in London in 1974. I was on my way to Okinawa; I wanted to study karate. I was already dressed in black. My trip was that I would get lost in Okinawa and just learn the language and disappear.
Then Sudha, my ex-wife, had joined this movement of sannyasins. At that time they were wearing really loud orange, the kind of orange that you see road workers in Germany have, so that they don't get run over.
I was doing a lot of groups in London and was really mean to the sannyasins. I was calling them carrots. They would come to my groups and I would say: "Oh, you're a carrot. Are you one of these Hare Krishna's?"
Then my wife Sudha became a sannyasin. I was really upset. I had a friend, his name was Teertha. He was running a centre; a public growth centre called "Crazy Talk". From one day to the next day, I saw him running down the street in an orange robe and he had this leggings on, also orange. I said: "Oh, my God! There goes Teertha. They've got this guy, Paul Lowe."
So just before I took off for Okinawa - I was tired of working with people; I didn't want to work with people any more. I gave myself at least five years - Sudha calls me up in London and says: "Come and see me before you go."
I had this black Kung Fu jacket on, I came walking in and what do I see - all these carrots. I got really shaken up, I thought she just wanted to see me.
Here is how the story goes: She said: "On the way to Okinawa...how about a stop in Poona?" I'm trying to think. Okinawa...Poona. I said: "If it is possible to go to India on my way to Okinawa, yes." Then she said: "If you go to India and Poona...how about becoming a sannyasin?" I said: "WHAT?! Listen, if I'm on my way to Okinawa I can go to India. And if it is possible, I can go to Poona. And if it is possible, I can meet this character...and if I like him and I check him out and he asks me to become a sannyasin..." Sudha really knowing me said: "Then do it now."
I felt this NOOO. As it was coming up I was saying: "What am I afraid of?"
Then I heard myself say OK... She had challenged me, challenged my masculinity. She took out an orange Tibetan robe, she already had it... She took out a mala, she had that ready...put it on me: "From now on your name is Swami X until you get a new name."
I said to myself: "Oh, My God!" Then I am standing in a street in London to catch a black cab and can't understand why they are all passing in front of me. The next thing is that I'm in my bath tub and I get a Polaroid picture taken and I have a bubble and I was smiling, saying to him: "Well, I have become a sannyasin, send me a name and burst my bubble."
I got the name and my girl friend said: "You're not going to like this." "Tell me what my name is!" She said: "Anand Anant. It means infinite bliss." "I can't pronounce it!"
So I decided that I had to go to Poona immediately to check him out. I came to a Darshan, you will not believe this, there are 12 people and I am sitting in the back in a black Kung Fu-jacket, and the rest in orange. I am schizophrenic; I am not so sure if I want to be a part of this organisation.
There are 12 people and I am sitting in the back. I'm looking at him wondering if he is supposed to do something, like elevate or do some magic, pull something out of his hair...? I want some proof, that he is a real guru.
Then he calls me forward. When I come forward he says: "What's your name?" I think: "I have travelled all the way from London and he doesn't even know my name!" I said: "I can't pronounce my name. I'm so nervous. It's Anand Anant." He said: "What's wrong with that?" "My mother is Spanish!" He started to LAUGH. Then he took out his pen and a card: "Can you pronounce Veeresh?" That's even worse! I wanted a name like Shiva. Then he looked at me and said: "Veeresh is one of the many names for Shiva." That's how I got hooked.
* * * I am so touched that you are here and that I can share with you. The title today is "Relating".
I had a chance to go to Israel to work with the Israelis. They are amazing people. Everybody has an opinion. And the women! I have never seen such women, they all have an opinion.
I was sitting on the side talking to some women, I said: "You women are really powerful. It would be something, if you get caught in the war with the mad Arabs, they might rape you. They looked at me and said: "If a woman gets raped, she gets raped. It is something, if a man gets caught and he gets raped. That's terrible!" I said that I wanted to teach Israelis and Palestinians to hug and they said to me: "That's not a problem. The problem is to get the Jews to hug the Jews because there are some many fractions."
We did something there that was very touching, and I would like to do that relating exercise with you. Everybody find a partner and sit in front of your partner. It doesn't matter who it is. This is a relating exercise. Make some physical contact, with your knees, your fingers...some kind of physical contact. I want you to talk as friends, not as therapists and clients, but as friends.
This is the conversation I would like you to have; I want you to share the most painful experience you had in your life. Share it as friends. This is private so get close. This is the first relating exercise.
* * * I had a chance to go to Australia some years ago. I was looking for kangaroos - I never saw a kangaroo; I was looking for dolphins - I never saw a dolphin.
I just got some beautiful stories, and I heard that koala bears like to eat eucalyptus leaves and hang from trees. These eucalyptus leaves apparently get you stoned. Every now and then they forget and they let go...and they hit the ground. I was in Australia trying to imagine this scene of them stoned hanging there "ooop..." So I created a structure out of that, it goes like this: You have to walk around on shaky legs, you hold your head saying "aua, aua". Every time you meet another koala bear you whisper into each other's ears "It's gonna be all right". (exercise)
When I was in Australia I was really frustrated that I didn't have the chance to see all these famous animals. I went to the drugstore and I could see a postcard with a kangaroo. That wasn't what I expected. It was with the Australians that I figured out, how the kangaroos communicate. (exercise)
Not seeing any dolphins, I met a guy called Peter Dolphin. Peter Dolphin had been studying dolphins. He told me that dolphins are amazing. They have three hours cycles. They sleep consciously, so that they don't drown. So they eat for three hours, they play for three hours and they make love for three hours. And they do it over and over again. They don't seem to waste any time. It is said that they can have up to seven orgasms in one minute. Seven in one minute! There's no time for anything there. Since we can't be in the water, I figured we walk a little bit like Charlie Chaplin and every time you touch another dolphin, that's an orgasm! Every time you have an orgasm, you say "wee". It doesn't matter the way you touch because seven times a minute...
This is for the guys. When the Australian girls make love they say "yam". When they are having an orgasm they say "yam, yam..." Nice, eh? The Scottish women go "see" and the Australians go "yam". I thought you would like how they relate. (exercise)
* * * This is a relating experience so I want to share some of the things that I've learnt, especially in relationships.
If the pain outweighs the love in a relationship you have to drop it. You can try to do what you can to make it better, but if it becomes more and more painful, then that is not the way you want to live. Then you have to give your love to someone else that can appreciate it. That's just a fact.
I've often had situations where a couple comes to me. I see them separately, and the woman says: "I really want to be with him. I really love him." And I say: "Wow! Then follow him, chase him, lay in front of his door, just do everything you can to get him." Then the guy comes in and says: "I don't want to be in this mess." I say: "Then run, man. Get the hell out of it."
I have been working in Europe and what I enjoy the most are the Italians and their relationships. The wife or the girlfriend is at home and the husband or the boyfriend comes. The girl turns around and says: "Where have you been?" And they have a fight - and then they make love! It's like a ritual for making love.
I have been asked how to have a relationship without jealousy. You don't want to drop jealousy! Jealousy creates juice! If you have a relationship without jealousy you have a sterile relationship. You don't worry at all whether he or she is coming home. You have such a clean relationship that it gets boring.
You don't want to drop jealousy; it's human to feel "I want you all for myself!" What's wrong with that, it's an expression of your love. Don't drop jealousy; just tell the person that you are jealous and that you are jealous because you miss them and that you want them and that you love them so much. That's what is behind it. Do you want to be possessive? Yes, you want to be possessive. You don't want them to have anybody else than you because you love them so much. Don't forget adding, "because I love you so much". "I hate you to go with someone else, blah, blah blah...". You have to add, "because I love you so much", that's what is the base of the relationship. So if you get jealous it just tells you that your relationship is juicy. And you don't want anybody to have them. You want them for you permanently, forever.
* * * People come to groups and they scream about their parents, they beat pillows and they freak out: "My mother wasn't there! My daddy didn't come home!" Yes, it is painful and I encourage people to let go and freak out... It is there so get it out. But at some point you have to grow up and accept that your parents were not perfect. They tried to give you the best they had, in their way - not in your way - but in their way. You have to understand that.
I finally try to get them to go home and say to their parents: "I love you. Thank you for laying your trip on me." Because if you go "my parents this, my parents that..." it's so sad, because you end up not getting what you need. So it's very beautiful to go home and bring your parents what they really like, i.e. chocolate, and say: "Here. Just because you are my parents." That will blow their mind. They will think that there is something wrong! Appreciate them, because at the end the final relationship between child and parents is friendship. At some point you are going to take care of your parents, too.
I was telling you this yesterday: My mother is a shoe freak; she loves shoes. She has more shoes than a shoe store. We walk down the street together and we go in front of a shoe store. I bring her in front of the window and say: "Which ones do you want?" She goes: "Oh no, no, no, I have too many shoes." "Which ones do you want?" She says: "I like that one", as soon as the shoes come... I give her as many shoes as she wants, I don't care if she ever wears them or not. She has sacrificed her whole life to make me happy. Why not give her what she needs right now. If it's shoes, I give her shoes.
I am trying to tell you that you can blame your parents for the rest of your lives, or you can start saying Thank you. "Thank you for not flushing me down the toilet, thank you for putting up with me..." Some thank-you's, some appreciation. When you come to groups and get all that pain and frustrations out, then when you are finished, appreciate them, and love them, because when you become parents you want that from your kids too.
My son just walked in today, grabbed me and lifted me up in the air. I felt like a little kid, I love him, he kissed me, and it's great. My own father was too proud to do that - from another world!
I talk to my son about anything, like football! I'm not interested in football... but because with my father I missed that, so with him I make it up. I really talk with him. If you miss something from your, give it to them instead of expecting that they are going to give it to you.
We are going to play you a song: the beginning, the origin - Mama. This is from our new album Osho Dance Meditation. You can listen and dance to it!
I wanted to say thank you so much, you turned me on. I have been doing groups for 33 years. Every time I do a group I am always anxious and I am always hoping it will work out well. It's now 33 years later, but it's almost the same feeling - I hope you enjoyed the seminar.
A friend of mine from London is here. His name is Shyam Singha. He has been my doctor for almost 33 years. He will be here tomorrow at 9.30 in the morning. He is a very special man. If you are open to attend his class at 9.30, he is going to do a special energy event.
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